Remembering and Celebrating: A Letter to My Precious Child on Their Birthday

Our Dearest Isabella Faith,

Today in the grief of our child-loss, I will choose to celebrate your 14th birthday, my heart is filled with a mix of emotions – joy for the wonderful daughter you are and the incredible person you're becoming, and yet, a profound ache for the moments we wish we could be sharing with you here on earth.

Your birthday is a reminder of the day we lost our child, our lives were forever changed, the day Heaven became your home. I wish I could hold you in my arms, see your radiant smile, and hear your laughter fill our home. But I find solace in knowing that you are in the loving embrace of our Heavenly Father, surrounded by eternal love and boundless peace. In the Bible, it is written in Revelation 21:4, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

Your younger brothers, Joshua and Uriah, often ask about you. Your Dad, I, Jackson and Maximus tell them stories about their incredible older sister they spent time with in their early childhood. They are all so full of life, just like you were, and I see glimpses of your spirit in each of them. Jackson & Maximus tenderly care for your younger brothers and little ones like you always did, our Mother Hen. Joshua carries the characteristic of a leader and organizes his toys like you also did. He commands like you and can run a home just as you tried to do. Uriah giggles uncontrollably over the simplest things, as he is so excited about them. I actually called out your name last week after hearing Maximus’s laugh in the garage. I was at first embarrassed that I did it. I always ponder what a gift God gave us to hear your laugh in one of your younger brothers. That even in that instant I mistook his laugh for a moment of having you right here on earth with me. They are all a gift to the love and joy you brought into our lives.

Your absence here on earth is a void that can never be filled.

Your dad, I and brothers feel it deeply every day. We miss the sound of your laughter flooding through the house, the warmth of your hugs, and the sound of your voice telling us about your day. We carry you in our hearts, and not a day goes by when we don't long for the day we will reunite with you in Heaven. In Psalm 34:18, it says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." We find comfort in knowing that God is with us, even in our grief of a child-loss.

The loss of a daughter, our first born child, is a pain that words cannot fully explain. It's a journey of navigating life with a piece of our hearts in Heaven. But in that pain, we find hope and faith that one day, we will be together again, celebrating birthdays and cherishing every moment for all eternity.

On your 14th birthday, our precious daughter and sister, I want you to know that your dad, I and brothers love you more than words can express even the ones who have never met you. We carry you with us every day, and our love for you continues to grow. We yearn for the day when we can hold you in our arms once more and celebrate in the presence of our Heavenly Father. That is what we live for. It will always be our greatest aspiration. 

Happy 14th Birthday, Doll. Until we meet again, I know you are shining brightly in the heavens. I imagine you running with the Lions & Giraffes and taking care of babies as they wait for their Momma’s arrival.